Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Days 235-237 (heart help)

As most everyone knows, I have a little heart condition. Diagnosed when I was 18, it's nothing serious, but it can be incredibly painful when the wonky ticker decides to throw a hissy fit (as it's been doing lately).

Yesterday afternoon, after a particularly agonizing episode, I found myself in the cardiologist’s office. As I was waiting, I could hear the whispers of other patients sharing their stories, their reasons for being there. Heart attack. Stroke. Inoperable cancer impairing the ventricles of the heart.

I was instantly overcome. I felt blessed that my own story read as a fairy tale in comparison to the ones wafting around the waiting room. I ached for the others, especially the elderly couple situated beside me, who seemed so deserving of a miracle.

It was at that moment that I sent up a quick thank you for my wonky ticker and reignited my desire to raise funds for the American Heart Association. I can’t create a miracle on my own, but maybe if we all band together, we can raise the funds so that the crew in the white lab coats can.

There are just three weeks left until I slip on my walking shoes in an effort to stomp out heart disease. Please help me help those who need it most by making an online donation by clicking here.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

227-234 (have a heart)

Well, it’s been another unsuccessful week in the dieting, um my mistake, “healthy lifestyle” world. I skipped boot camp on Tuesday because I was so behind on my freelance work that I needed every spare second to get caught up. On Thursday, I had to leave after 35 minutes. My heart was having MAJOR flare-ups and I just couldn’t get them under control. The episodes lasted until I went to bed … it hasn’t been that bad since I was preggars with Coop. Sigh.

The hubs and I have agreed that I need to talk to my cardiologist about the possibility of having surgery in January (when the flexible spending account is full again) to fix my wonky ticker. I think it’s a fairly minor, non-invasive surgery, but hello, it’s MY HEART! The doc did tell me that it’s a must-do before I get another bun tossed in my oven. Boo.

Anywhoo, I’m not sure what to do about boot camp. I don’t want to quit, I love the camaraderie with the other chicas and well, I’ve come to depend on DS’ “tough love,” but grr … I’m not doing myself any good if I can’t do the workout.

I need to find an activity I can do that will melt the fat off without inducing a heart episode. I don’t know what the sudden onset is all about. I’ve been doing boot camp for months with no issue, but holy Hannah, this past month has been kicking my arse. I’m sure it has absolutely nothing to do with my on-again, off-again “health” kick and my completely erratic eating habits (chocolate chip cheesecake, anyone??).

Thinking of checking out the gyms in my area to see what classes they offer (I’ve become a total class-setting junkie … thanks for the head’s up Megan!). But, first, I guess I’ll call my cardio guy and see what he has to say. Don’t want to drop dead or anything … especially while sweating like a pig … who’d give mouth-to-mouth to a gal who smells like a three-day-old jock strap? Even I wouldn’t haunt the paramedics for letting me walk toward the light.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Days 219-226 (and it keeps going ...)

Two hundred and twenty-six freakin’ days I’ve been working (or lamenting that I’m not working) on my hot mama mission.

You’d think after the better part of a year, something (anything) would’ve gotten easier. Sigh.

Well, I guess the bitching has gotten easier.

At this point I’m just going through the motions. My NOtivation continues.

I went to boot camp yesterday and sucked major wind. I have a little heart condition that’s been rearing its ugly head during class lately, which makes me think it may be time to try a different workout routine (pilates, perhaps?).

I’m completely at odds with myself and I don’t know what to do. I’m still up 5 pounds since vacation (holding at 198 … grr), but that’s not my body revolting, that’s just me giving into weakness.

I deserve to wear the multi-pound albatross (complete with a bag of Fritos in the talons) around my neck—um, gut.

DS said I sucked yesterday. He was right (but I'd never tell him that). I felt that I was doing the best I could at the time (taking my misfiring blood pumper into account). I'm a little sore today, which is always good, but I'm just out of it. Off kilter. And I honestly have no clue how to get back.


Thursday, August 7, 2008

Days 211-218 (NOtivation)

Well, kids, it’s time to come clean, I have lost all motivation. Every single drop of it — as evidenced by lack of recent blogging and my reluctance to post my last two weigh days.

I don’t really know what’s caused this sudden shift … maybe it’s the string of sweltering 100-plus degree days (it’s just too damn hot to give a damn … about anything) or maybe it’s because I haven’t been able to break out of the 190s for three months and I’m just exhausted from trying to beat down that door.

I’m sure it has a lot to do with the fact that I picked up a freelance job last week and so, when I should be working out, I’m writing. But, since the goal is to get into a house at the end of the year, extra $$$ is crucial (mama needs deco funds, lol!). (The pic above is me working last weekend poolside, instead of actually burning a cal IN the pool. But, I did keep the fan off so that I would at least sweat out some calories ... it was, after all, 107 that day!)

Anywhoo, I’m still doing boot camp and trying (I use this word loosely) to stay on track, but right now, in this moment, if someone presented me with a plate of sprinkle donuts, French fries and some lasagna on the side, I wouldn’t hesitate to lick the plate clean.

DS did do measurements last week at the end of our third month in boot camp. I’m still seeing results, but certainly nothing earth shattering (hmm, maybe that has something to do with eating my weight in pizza).

From June 21-July 31, I have:
*stayed the same in my neck: 13”
*stayed the same in my chest: 38”
*gained .25 inches in my biceps: 14”
*lost .5 inches in my forearms: 10”
*lost .25 inches in my abs: 35”
*lost .75 inches in my hips: 43"

*gained 1.5 inches in my thighs: 24”
*gained .25 inches in my calves: 16.5”

Overall, in three months of boot camp (going, on average, twice a week), I’ve now lost a combined 10.5 inches. And I am excited about the nice increase in muscle in my thighs. Hell, if you have to have big o’ honking legs, might as well have ones that don’t wiggle as much when you walk. =)

Fingers are crossed that this NOtivation is temporary (especially since I just passed off two boxes of my “bigger” clothes to a coworker). If anyone has any words of encouragement, inspiration or a photo that will kick me outta’ my funk, please share!