day 27: mama says ...

After yesterday’s debut of Fat Chants over on MomsOutLoud, I started hearing from lots of mama friends who too, were struggling.

YAY!

Not yay in the fact that there are other moms out there whose parts have expanded beyond the confines of their closet-worth of clothing (believe me, the ladies quoted below have ALWAYS looked amazing … like make-ya-wanna’-puke amazing). But rather yay in the way they each shared their own story. I truly, truly believe that stepping up and speaking out — if only to your lifelong friends — is a powerful (necessary) action in overcoming whatever it is that’s holding you back (for me, it’s my complete and utter co-dependence with any food not grown in the ground!).

As they say, misery loves company … well, so do mommies looking for a way to be the absolute best they can be for their families...

here's to company, to compassion, to commiserating, to admitting our weaknesses and embracing our strengths ... go, mamas, go:

“I too struggle with the day-to-day gorging of sweets and salties! It's sooo freakin’ hard. To think I was once an athletic, toned, hot girl at 125 lbs. I hate who I see in the mirror and go back and forth with weight loss. I'll lose 17 pounds and gain them all back faster than you can say burrito supreme. I have a promise to myself to lose 30 pounds before I turn 30 (which is June 7th). It's not just about me anymore! My family needs an energetic and healthy woman to man the helm of this chaotic boat. Hang in there!! We can do this together! Love ya!”

“I read your Fat Chants blog … really cool. I have gained 15 lbs since last summer with the tubing leg injury, then in November my back went out. So I have eaten and eaten and not worked out! I need motivation to get off my butt and workout. Trying the acai berry thing, don't think it's doing much.You have inspired me and I will keep up with your weight loss!! Sucks when you don't have any clothes that fit!”

“This is so great, good luck. You know, I need some motivation myself. For some reason, when I have the choice between playing with the baby and working out, the baby always wins. Being a mommy has turned me into one big lazy ass. I'll stay tuned for your future write-ups. Maybe you'll help motivate me, too! :)”

day 24: before & after(s)

Typically when someone shows you their before and afters, it's the latter pic that's most impressive. But, ya' know I like to work in reverse. ;)

Digging through some old pics last night, I found one I was particularly fond of ...

This is my BEFORE, taken last July on the banks of the Guadalupe River.

And now, for your viewing pleasure ... my AFTER(S)


Same pants, plus 8 months of age and 15 pounds of ooey, gooey "goodness" seeping out the front. Dead. Sexy. (props to my sidekick for covering up some of the pudge.) ;)

And because two pics aren't humiliation enough ...

Yep, that's a nice 6 inches of gut hanging out of my absolutely, no-way-in-hell-is-that-gonna'-zip zipper. Who-hoo (one can only imagine how much that woulda' been a month ago before i dropped a quick 20! Those sad little pants probably woulda' just laughed in my face as they saran-wrapped my thighs and refused to budge).

I detailed this fun little experiment in my first Fat Chants column debuting Thursday over at Moms Out Loud. Check it out here when you have a chance.

Until then, here's a summary: the pants go moo, the seams go sigh and I set a goal to zip that friggin' zipper by the end of May.

day 13: part two

On January 3, 2008, I posted the following:

“I have devised a plan that will ensure my ultimate success. I will skip the popping of powerful appetite suppressants, or adopting anorexic tendencies and will, instead, completely, totally, utterly humiliate myself on the world wide web … I can’t be accountable only to myself or to my hubby … I’m stuck with me and hell, let’s face it, he is too. I need to be accountable to the world.”

Well, flash forward 431 days and I would now like to recant the whole appetite suppressant statement (I *heart* my pills), but other than that, it’s business as usual.

Oh, but there is this one thing that I’ve learned about my original hot mama mission. In order for the whole accountability by blog to work, you have to, umm, blog!

So, I’m upping the ante and I’m going global.

OK, maybe not global, but the blog is about to get bigger. At the end of this month some of my rantings will be carried on Moms Out Loud — a fantastic online community for D-FW mamas by D-FW mamas that features everything and anything local ladies need/want.

So. Stinkin’. Excited.

So. Stinkin’. Scared.

Failing “in front” of the three people who read this little blog is one thing (thanks mom!), failing in front of who knows how many, well … that’s a whole other tub of chunky monkey ice cream. But, that’s what I wanted, right? “I need to be accountable to the world.”

I’m hoping this new adventure will keep me moving forward because going back is no longer an option.

Fingers are crossed. Hopes are high. Calories are right were they should be. ;)

Oh, and big news: Since “Thin Wednesday” I've lost 11 pounds (that's 11 lumps in 13 days)! Who-hoo!!!

day 6: here’s the deal

Somewhere between complete obsession and complete apathy I lost my way when it came to the hot mama mission I started more than a year ago. I’ll be honest, I knew what I was doing.

It started when the face staring back at me in the mirror looked like a distorted version of the one I had always known. As someone who’s been heavy her entire life, I’ve always dreamed of what it would be like to snag anything off the rack and have it fit like a glove (rather than a sausage casing). But, dreams often have a way of becoming twisted in reality.

Though I was still a hefty chica, there was a much smaller heft than there once had been and I suddenly found myself afraid of the unfamiliar territory.

So, I sabotaged. I was like an anorexic in reverse. I ate everything I could and willed myself to regain the weight I’d lost. And, fortunately/unfortunately I succeeded. It’s complete lunacy, I know, but the mind is a sneaky lil’ devil.

Somewhere along the line, I lost control of what I was doing and spiraled beyond where I had intended to go. The message became, “eeh, what’s another 5 pounds?”

Five lead to another 5 and then another and another until I was two pounds shy of where I had started.

And then I was scared. I couldn’t let myself cross that line.

So, here I am, starting over, rather than charting continued progress.

But, that’s completely OK. That’s the great thing about life … second helpings and second chances. ;)

When I was battling infertility a few years ago, the specialist said losing weight was one of the things I could do to help improve my chances of becoming a mama. So I did. I lost 45 pounds.

But, I had help. Help I have sought again.

Since I allowed myself to be swallowed by the emotional cycle of eating these past few months, there was no way for me to get my mind right and ready to tackle this challenge again.

So, I called the doc and got a Rx for an old friend … phentermine.

Yes, it’s half of the infamous phen/phen, but for me, it works. It takes the edge off, it’s like the chubby chick’s nicotine patch. And I love it!

I wish I could do this on my own, but, right now I can’t. And I’m OK with that. I still have to muster all the willpower in my world not to submit to the emotional triggers that make me want to plow through a box of Girl Scout cookies. It’s still me taking on the beast every single day, I just happen to be packing heat this time. ;)

There’s also a second step in my new plan of attack, but details on that to come later …

Until then, I’m hitting the gym, eating light and doing the best I can.