Day 119 (spaghetti)

Boot Camp workout No. 3: Survived, but barely alive (don't be fooled by the pic ... Hillary and I are smiling through the pain).

It was "legs" day and after the "warm up" of running in place, jumping jacks and mountain climbers, I was barely breathing.

Then ...

the lunges. Oh, holy hell the lunges. Walking lunges. Double-dip lunges. On your tippy-toes lunges.

Then squats and more squats and jumping and running and then more lunges.

I am no longer a human being. I am spaghetti. A big ol' bowl of wiggly, jiggly spaghetti. Pour on some marinara, stick a fork in me and call me dinner. I'm done.

Days 114-118 (countdown)

T minus 26 hours and 15 minutes until the next boot camp. Last Thursday went great — it was overcast, the wind was high and the humidity low, which helped me tremendously!! I worked my rear off, or arms, actually, but the constant threat of passing out seemed to be greatly diminished by the more workout-friendly weather.

But, as is Murphy’s Law, after a weekend of 60s and 70s, it’s supposed to be back in the 80s again tomorrow, so I’m, umm, nervous!

Day 113 (oww! & Weigh Day #16)

“Get those feet up! You don’t want your legs to look like you got hit with a bag of nickels.”

“Chins off the chest, about the size of a cupcake between the two. I’m sure you ladies know what a cupcake looks like.”

“You’re not advertising, get your butt outta’ the air.”

And so the fun went yesterday with DS in the first session of boot camp. All was said with a mild, mock sense of humor, but it worked.

For one hellacious hour I plowed through the most brutal workout of my adult life … battling the threat of puking and/or passing out from the moment the words “suicide, go” were yelled.

It was great.

Well, I say that NOW, 18 hours after it’s over. Everything hurts. My hair hurts. And I wasn’t even able to do all the exercises without stopping because I refused to be the first girl to puke and/or pass out. But, after checking in with my “comrades,” I know I’m not the only one moving a little slower today.

Can’t wait to see how tomorrow goes.

p.s. Weighed this AM, hanging tight at 200.

Day 112 (oh, holy hell)

Oh. My. Lord. Too tired to type post Boot Camp, will add details tomorrow, but I think this pic (taken on my phone as I hauled ass away from the torture zone) speaks volumes.

Days 111-112 (bring it on)

Today is the day I have been equally dreading and anticipating for weeks. Today is the day I may die … or feel better than I ever have.

Today is the start of boot camp.

Our trainer (there are about 18 ladies from work participating in this 4-week sweat-a-thon), let’s call him Drill Sergeant (DS), stopped by the office last week to pick up our enlistment papers and take our measurements. ACK!

I’m not a fan of having a muscley man who plans to kick my ass for the next month trying to wrap a measuring tape around my wobbly bits. In fact, I down right hate it. So, what do I do to “ease the tension”?

I mouth off.

“Sooooo,” I say. “If my numbers don’t change, I get my money back, right?”

“Oh, they’ll change all right,” DS retorts.

“OK, but what if the numbers get bigger. Are you going to pay me???”

With a dead stare and expressionless face he says, “I’ll see you Tuesday.”

CRAP. He’s gonna’ kill me.

Added concern? The high is going to be 87 degrees today with 67 percent humidity! Oh, holy mother … if the DS doesn’t get me, the heat surely will!

Day 110 (so long 60!)

Two years ago this summer I dropped 45 pounds (to help with my infertility issues). Then I got preggars, gained back 15, had a baby and then dropped the 15, plus 7 more within a week. Then motherhood happened and I put on 20. In January I embarked on my mission to become a "hot mama" and as of this AM, I am beyond thrilled to report that I now weigh 200 lbs. If all of the ups and downs are killing your math skills here's what this means: since the start of 2008 I have lost 28 pounds (that's 7 more than what Coop weighs!!) and since my heaviest point I have shed 60!! YEE-HA!

These pics show me doing the "look at me pose" (a la Subway's Jared) with a pair of "workout" (meaning I broke a sweat shoveling food into my mouth) pants from the 260 days. This feels good. This feels damn good. Now on to the next 60!

Days 108-110 (rollin' for my homies)

We did it! Despite animal rights protesters (what!!??), battles with bicyclists who thought they owned the road (huh!!??) and a whopping 5 mile walk ... our lil' family Marched for the Babies, or in Coop's case, as his shirt proclaimed: "rolled for my homies." (OK, it said rollin').

Anywhoo, we raised $495 for the March of Dimes in just two weeks, had an amazing time with our A&B team and feel all the more blessed that we were able to take part in such an important event.

Day 107 (walk it out)

Let the walking begin!!!

Day 106 (Weigh Day #15)

Bom chicka waa waa (yes, I know this is the "porn" sound, but I have added it to my long string of verbal diarrhea and in my world it means: "damn, great job!" Unless of course I'm referring to porn, in which case it reverts back to its original connotation).

Anywhoo ... the bom chicka waa waa is for No. 1: YAY! A girl finally won Biggest Loser. No. 2: As of weigh day this AM, I have shed another 5 lbs. I'm now just 3 lbs. away from breaking into the 100s (hell to the yeah!). Since beginning my hot mama mission, I have lost 26 lbs. And, from my heaviest point pre-baby??? A whopping 58! That's 22% of my body weight!!!!

Days 102-105 (go girls!)

OK, so I’ve only been watching the Biggest Loser off and on throughout the season ... until now! Since I am REcommitted to my hot mama mission, I am OBSESSED with the show (these people are dropping a 100-plus pounds in mere weeks!)! Can’t wait to see who wins tonight—I’m pulling for the chicas.

Maybe the excitement of tonight’s finale will inspire me to go for that extra mile this evening! But, since the 4-week walking challenge at work doesn't start until tomorrow, I'm not making any promises.

Day 101 (that's hot!)

The 4-week walking challenge at work kicks off on Wednesday and I’m (a total dork) super excited. There are 7 members on my team (plus one honorary “bun-in-the-oven” member) and our name is Hot Soles with “That’s Hot!” (a la Paris Hilton) as our slogan. We “renamed” everyone with a “hot” moniker: the heat-radiating pregnant gal is Hot Plate, the puppy-obsessed chica is Hot Dawg, and I, staying true to my weight-loss mission, am Hot Mama.

We all had matching shirts made and win or lose, I think our team spirit is gonna’ blow the sweat stains right off everyone else.

Can’t wait! Competition (next to total and utter embarrassment) is, I have decided, the ultimate weight-loss motivator!!!!

Let the games begin!

p.s. I am happy to report that in the past 9 days I have lost 6 big ones! Who-hoo, that's 2 more since weigh day on Wednesday. Yowza!

Day 99 (Weigh Day #14)

Yee-ha! Yippee! Who-hoo! Shazam! As of this AM’s weigh day, I am officially down 21 big ones!! I’m at 207, the lowest I’ve been in years. YEARS! And, the 190s is just around the bend, I can feel it (or is that the breeze blowing across my butt crack because my pants don't fit?? Hmm, something to ponder).

Bonus? That damn hubby of mine, who can drop weight just by saying the word “diet,” lost 15 lbs!!! He’s only been working out with me in earnest since Saturday. In my next life I am sooo gonna’ be a dude, lol!

Days 93-98 (winds of change)

Oops. Didn’t realize a week had passed since my last post, such a slacker—in writing and in dieting. But the winds of change are blowing, blowing my hair back, my sweat pants up … it’s a great feeling.

So, here’s the update. I wasn’t really feeling motivated about my mission the past few days (I knew my walking challenge was about to start and I gave myself permission to be a slug until then). But then, Saturday, probably one of the WORST days to regain control, I decided I’d had enough. I slathered Coop in sunscreen, dragged the husband kicking and screaming (and pouting and whining and bitching) to the nature preserve and we, as a family, hit the walking trails.

It was a sunny 70(ish) late afternoon and it was amazing. I didn’t realize how much my workout mentality had been impacted by my dread for the dreadmill. I just needed a change of pace (and scenery) to recharge my batteries.

The kicking, screaming, pouting, whining, bitching hubby later apologized for being a giant pain in the ass (love you!) and has since come over to the sweaty side …(he's rocking the walking through shin splints and all and I am so proud of him!). We hit the trails again Sunday and Monday nights. And now we have a NEW routine. Instead of Mommy hitting the gym solo, until the blazing summer heat melts the rubber on our shoes, we will, as the 3 BO-wreaking Musketeers, walk together (so, that should keep us walking through, what? Mid-May. Damn summer scorchers.)

Also, the walking challenge at work starts next week and boot camp the following week. I will walk with my team during lunch M/W/F and walk with the fam in the evenings. I will have boot camp T/Th nights, so the boys will have to tackle the trails alone.

I feel really, reeeally good about this. My hope is to be in the 190s by Coop’s first birthday, which is 6 weeks away.

Day 92 (Weigh Day #13)

Eek gats! Did anyone see last night’s Biggest Loser? I totally pulled a “team blue.” When I stepped on the scale this AM it screamed, “You gained a pound fatty! Way to chunk up there, chubby cheeks!”

OK, it didn’t reeeeallly say that, but damn that would be the coolest scale ever if it had! (Hmm, note to self: google “taunting, talking scale.” If you hit a dead end, draft a business plan and hit pay dirt. Who-hoo!)

Side note: Did you know that about 2,000 steps equals 1 mile? And that we should aim to take 10,000 steps per day? Umm, that’s 5 miles everyday. I get bored after DRIVING 5 miles!! Guess I better pick up the pace if I don’t want to fall flat on my ass in the umpteen million walking challenges I’ve signed myself up for!

Coopie, strap yourself in there baby cakes, you’re goin’ walkin’ with mama tonight.

p.s. Shout out to my recently returned-to-work-after-having-the-cutest-baby-girl-ever cohort for, after having only been around me for 4 hours, decided to call me out on my baggy pants. Apparently, the "looks like there's enough sag in your swag to carry a small toddler" is a look that illicits comments like: "Um, so, what's with the pants?" Sigh, and I thought I was lookin' good today. Lol!

Day 91 (dat girl gone plum crazy)

In the span of about 30 minutes I went from a ho-hum workouter (that’s a word, right?) to a balls-to-the-wall (wannabe) fitness junkie.

The wellness committee at work is starting a 4-week walking challenge in conjunction with the American Heart Association’s National Start! Walking Day on April 16. And, since I’m walking at night anyway AND still a relative newbie to the company, I thought this would be a great opportunity to keep motivated and get involved.

We had an orientation earlier this AM and by the end of the 30-minute pow wow, I was psyched and ready to slap on my pedometer and take to the pavement.

But here’s where things for this formerly not-moving-from-the-couch potato really get going:

I’m signing up to participate in the March of Dimes March for Babies 5K walk on April 19 (huh!!???).

I’m trying to recruit a friend to join me for the Katy Trail 5K on May 15 (what tha??).

ANNND, as if that weren’t enough to blow up anyone’s wind pants, I’m also signing up for a month-long boot camp (two workouts a week) being held after hours at my office (holy freakin’ mother!!!).

I think delirium has officially set in.