Day 4/5 (The Test)

“I just called to tell you that I have malignant melanoma.”

Those were the words my mom shared with me Friday afternoon. My mom, my best friend, my rock, my biggest cheerleader was calling to tell me she has cancer.

She was upbeat in her delivery, unaffected, in charge. I knew part of the façade was to help me better-handle the news. The other part was for her.

“There is nothing to freak out about yet. I’ll let you know when/if it’s time,” she said lightly.

I forced myself to stay strong through the conversation until I heard her end of the line click to an eerie silence.

Then I let the tears fall where they may.

Normally, such an emotional devastation would have me saying, “SCREW IT!” to a diet. My mom is sick, I can’t help her and I am guilt-ridden about that. Overindulgence in food to the point of sickness would offer me instant comfort — it always had in the past.

I thought of the restaurant gift card I had in my wallet. Of the leftover brownies I had yet to toss out. I wanted something — anything — to make me feel OK in those first few moments when it seemed like nothing ever would again.

But I refused to turn to my constant companion. I didn’t want my online saga of divulging my numbers to have been in vain. And I knew, in my heart of hearts, that if I gave in now, I might never find the strength to start again.

I turned off the lights in the kitchen, grabbed the hubby and the baby and headed out … I needed a breather.

I shopped the sales at Bath & Body, loading up on sweet-smelling scents. I grabbed trashy magazines, canoodled with the baby. When we came home, I ate a light dinner, took a bath and researched malignant melanoma.

When the baby hit his pre-bedtime giggle fit, we called my mom (aka Mimi). We got her voicemail so I put the phone to Cooper’s ear so he could coo and laugh on the machine. “Just called to say we love you Melanoma Mimi,” I laughed, Coop continuing to squeal in the background.

The emotion of the day had given way to a renewed sense of evil humor. But I knew my mom would appreciate the sentiment.